she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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