he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
