I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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