is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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