If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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