I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
