So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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