That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
