I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
