We won't sleep together?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
