Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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