What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize