Pappa wants mamma naked
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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