It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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