I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Will you blow on my dice?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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