I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
