Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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