I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
