I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
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Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
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I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.