Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.