How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
