we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
