i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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