I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
