so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
