And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
