My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
