all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
