I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
