it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
