he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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