Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
