I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
