Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
