First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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