when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
