My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
