Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
