My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
