I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
