Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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