Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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