Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
