don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
