wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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