Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize