His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
