she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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