a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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