I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I cockslap morals
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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