Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
