I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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