My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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