I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
