It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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