Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
