Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
